You know that moment in your "disorder" where you are in and out of a mania? I missed you, mania. When i wake up, and i feel that tightening of my stomach, starving and wanting to consume. But the moment that edibility touches my lips i feel the urge of purge. I love that feeling, where i am satisfied being hungry and my stomach gets to make the decisions that my head is struggling with. Let's face it... in all of us there are moments where we think "Why can i not just be normal. I want to eat" And that is where ana puts us back in our place, she crushes her heel on our jaw and says "No." The best No i have ever heard.
Today? I have consumed one bite of wheat bread.
yay carbs
that's all that has touched my stomach lining in probably two days. good. making progress.
Feeling hideous has never felt so good.
I am careless
But i can fal if i want to, because i dont have to stay on the ground. i can get back up when i want to. I am just not ready yet. I would like to take some time to lay here and just admire the clouds.
It is great to see you post again. Hope all is well with you and that you will keep us up to date hunn. Love reading your blog, stay safe!
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