Ana..tomic bomb

I feel like I've fallen into a black hole where I can see nothing and feel nothing. Everyone is dying around me. It's thrown off every aspect of "happy" I had going.

I feel weak lately. And still no bones. I need bones . It's been months now of utter starvation (or nearing ) and the weightloss has been minimal.
I know its the desk job. But by the time I have a moment to actually engage in physical activity I am too depressed or weak to take action on it.

I have been hating body more and more lately. I feel full at empty. And feeling full makes me sick. But i have no energy if I eat nothing. So ill sneak in half a rice cake every other day... I just don't understand why my body refuses to fall back into anas arms comfortably as my mind has already done so..

I kind of wish today that there was no ellie. That ellie was never. And wouldn't have to wish she was something else. If that makes sense.....