fast.

I had a full day of a successful fast that I'

m going to try to keep going tomorrow as well

. Food just doesn'

t look the same today

. It makes me sick to even think of putting anything in my mouth that'

s not a drink

. I've fed off chai

tea and water all day

.

I wish everyday was like this

. An empty day

. A clean day

. Hopefully it will help me get close to my goal. I don't plan on weighing in until the 1st

. It'

s been hard.but its going to feel so good to look at that scale and see thin

.

I really don'

t have much to say lately

... Other than my calorie counts

. Which I know get so insanely boring

.

I also know many of my followers follow a specific blog who'

s recent post stated that the difference between wanarexic and anorexic is being severely underweight

. While I believe that'

s true, I believe it to a point

. I may not be severely underweight right now, but at 6 years of 98 lbs and less I

was medically defined as anorexic

. I'v

e always had the same mind set

. But tried being "healthy" per my husbands request when we got married

. I don't believe it changes .I'm doing what is called "relapsing" like many do with drugs, alchohol, addictions. That doesn't mean I'

m not anorexic

. I guess my point was I was a little offended by

their post

. Some people

relapse on eating disorders because we feel dirty and unclean without them

. Or empty

. And somehow in out twisted minds an empty stomach fills the empty head

. Bulimia is not an official diagnos

is for me

. It won'

t ever be, as I refuse to speak to medical proffession about my EDs again

. But with my ana I was sent through years of therapy and "family support" ( they honestly triggerred more than they helped)

I gained some weight, which is expected when your pursuing recovery

. By my stats I am defined as a "healthy weight"

Or the required weigh

t. But I will not be there for long

. In a month or two I will be back

in my size 0

. And in 3-4 I will be in my 00 jeans

. The way I'

m supposed to be

. The way I was until recently

. But being ana for that long.when you seek recovery your metabolism doesn'

t know what to do with the sudden food intake and cannot digest it the normal way, hence the weight gain

. If I was any normal person eating at max 900 calories a day would have gained maybe 10 lbs

. But because my body doesn'

t know how to take food in standard portions it gets confused and makes weight gain a more possible and plausible option

.

Now I understa

nd where she is coming from I just feel the need to voice my opinion on my eating disorder as everyone is different

. I agree at 1

35+

you are surely not anorexic, just adopting the behaviors of ana as a "diet" (which at that point will catagorize you as a wannarexic)

If you'v

e never been underweight for your stats then you use restriction as a dietary behavior, its not a mental restriction

.

But relapse doesn'

t reclassify you as ednos or wanarexic

. It'

s simply relapsing

.

I'

m done

. I'll start babbling myself into a hot mess and offendin

g

peop

le an

d her blog is the last thing id ever want to offend.

Until tomorrow

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