So to satisfy the assumption that I'm a "normal" eater for my husbands sake any consumption of food I plan on will now be the green smoothie challange. This way it explains weight loss, but still looks like I'm consuming a normal diet. I talked a while back about how i was curious if blending food into liquidated forms helped dropped weight. I've done a lot of research on it and yes it does work itself out of your body faster, but barely. Also, the calories are still there. And its still food. But less food. And also means that meats no longer affects my diet, yay less fat intake!
Also, Ive come to the unprofessional conclusion I have OCD. I pick. Constantly. I pick as though I just smoked meth out of a pipe. Any goose bump, zit, ingrown hair, swollen follicle, bug bite. I pick until i feel whatever was in my skin is out. At work i have to pull up my computer systems in certain orders or I get frazzled and nervous. If my hair isn't in the right place or i have too much makeup or not enough I feel like i have to do it over until its perfect. I've missed work for my version of a bad hair day. It throws my whole day off if I don't do my morning routine on Friday of greys anatomy episodes from Thursday and herb tea.... And eating.. if i eat too much. What is too much. Why can't I go without eating. why is eating even a craving. How do I curb the food appeal. I've eaten more than one snack and i can only have so much food in my stomache so i have to go throw it up..... I have developed the capability to recognize my disorders. Eating. Mental.
I'm stressed. And confused.
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